Exercise.

No one has posted in here in a while, so I just wanted to make a random post expressing my love to you all! But then I realized, there is something I can talk about directed at you two!

We've each expressed lately how we want to exercise, but it doesn't seem to go anywhere. I noticed with my mom mostly, her plans always fell through except for when she exercised with her friends, so why don't we get together and plan something? It'd make it more fun, and we can be silly when we do it. Maybe do something, like I know the Wii Fit is not the best thing, but it's fun for keeping track of your weight and how much fat you've lost over a set of time, we could make it into a contest thing. Like maybe each week or month, whoever lost the least would have to do something silly. I dunno. I just want to exercise, and I know I'll probably do it more if I have a completely pointless reason to go along with it.

Also, it seems we're all sick... Yay?

...

I know that was mostly Directed at your parents? Do you think I am mad at you or something ? It doesn't matter who its Directed at, its still the same thing (my reply is still the same regardless) 

The thing with omar, you should have told me then, you know when we broke up when you told me you knew him and you would always go back out, that really really bothered me, because it was like, well then why the hell did you Tell me to date him, or not say anything you know. I'm just saying what you said, I wouldn't forget it. 

You would be happy pretending your entire life? When you could just BE FUCKING HAPPY ? your kids will know. You can't Hide for ever, I don't care what you say. you don't live with the people at school, its a lot different. I think people do know. I know, but sometimes I'll leave you alone because obviously if your trying to hide it then I wont bother you, but if you want to be a good mom, don't you think you should be happy? I mean fine if you want to live your life hiding in your own home, thats fine. I only responded because I want you to be happy, but I feel like your never going to be, Nothing is ever good enough. 

'It shouldn't be hard to be happy, I think it depends on the person, happiness and sadness are really equals in my opinion, until the person Decides, (unconsciously I guess) how they want to balance, or unbalance that. 

maybe jayson would be better off without me. but i think i want to be selfish. i dont want him to go. 

Jesus christ vittoria. Stop doing that to yourself, you know deeep down your not a bad person, you know you don't suck at everything I HAVE HEARD YOU SAY IT! your not selfish, for wanting to be happy, deal with your own happiness and then someone elses. You can not Help someone else until you help yourself, see not selfish. 

i dont know how to stop seeing how i see. i dont know how to stop complaining, how to stop being so dramatic about everything, how to stop crying. 

I told you how. I know you can't just change how someone thinks but you can influence them, and in that whole paragraph you did it again, you told yourself what you Are bad at, not what your good at!? why do that to yourself, its like you enjoy sulking and having some big pitty party with yourself, is it comforting to you ? I just get mad when people put me someone where, or tell me what I am bad at, what I have done so terribly wrong, how much I suck and can't do something, and you hate it to, so why tell yourself those things that the rest of the world wants you to cave to. 

i dont know how to stop seeing how i see. i dont know how to stop complaining, how to stop being so dramatic about everything, how to stop crying.  

Then don't get used to it, I told you, that you deserve more, you shouldn't have to "get used to anything" not now anyways. Yeah you can complain about what ever you want, Just I feel like if you want to be like that your entire life, complaining then thats fine, just.. nothings ever going to change you know? 

I am not mad or annoyed at you, I want you to be able to be happy though.